


there is nothing for me but to love you

by juliemolina



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Secret Relationship, bi pope, gay jj, heywards ok tho, i hate jj’s dad, john b says himbo rights, kies a lesbian bc i said so, no beta we die like women, pope is kind of oblivious, pope j wants to kiss his bf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:35:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24177508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juliemolina/pseuds/juliemolina
Summary: They’re swaying now, almost dancing, and Pope lifts his head from JJ's shoulder, lets JJ spin him once, twice, and knows he won’t ever feel more loved than this.He holds JJ close and thinks about the way he had cried so quietly after John B’s boat had gone down, how he had tried to be strong for Pope and Kiara. He’s thinking about the first time they kissed, when JJ had spent the night and Pope had woken up to see him on a mattress next to his bed, warm and tired, and couldn’t restrain himself anymore. How JJ had tasted like toothpaste, and Pope had wanted to hold him forever.*In which the ‘no pogue on pogue macking’ rule is broken, Kie hates Sarah again for reasons Pope can’t figure out, and JJ and Pope are not as discreet as they think they are.
Relationships: JJ/Pope (Outer Banks), Sarah Cameron/John B. Routledge, Sarah Cameron/Kiara
Comments: 22
Kudos: 237





	there is nothing for me but to love you

**Author's Note:**

> this is purely self indulgent bc there isn’t enough content for jjpope and i’ve been obsessed with Dumb Beach Show for the past two weeks. i hope you enjoy it.  
> also this is dedicated to @edsbev and @nohomohank on tumblr bc all ive done is harass them w obx asks so. sorry.

It’s nearing midnight on Saturday when Pope leans his bike up against a wall in the garage, straightens his shirt, and hopes that he doesn’t look like he’s just had someone’s tongue inside his mouth. 

(A foolish thought, given that he _had_ , of course, had someone’s tongue in his mouth.)

JJ’s, to be precise; they had been together for almost four weeks now, and it had quite possibly been the best month of Popes life. 

A month of sneaking around, kissing in dark corners, and delighting in the fact that the feelings they had repressed for so long were actually reciprocated. Pope had never thought he could have nice things, not like this. But for the first time in a long time, he’s happy. 

They had considered telling their friends, but ultimately rejected the idea. Not only would it violate the surprisingly well-enforced ‘no pogue on pogue macking’ rule, it would also upset their dynamic; Sarah and John B, unbearably sappy and in love, and the three of them, JJ, Pope, and Kie, single, at least to their friends’ knowledge. 

Pope usually wouldn’t be too concerned about revealing Kiara to be their only single friend, as she was tough and her being a fifth wheel would probably become more of a running joke than an issue. But she had been particularly grouchy lately, always shooting daggers in Sarah's direction, or complaining about her ‘stealing away’ John B. It made Pope wonder if they really hadn’t gotten over whatever had pushed them apart freshman year.

So, they hadn’t said anything to anyone. And in some ways, it was more fun this way, keeping their relationship in the dark. Even if a part of Pope ached to be out in the open, to kiss JJ where everyone could see. To take his hand by the freezer aisle in the grocery store, put frozen peas in the cart without asking, be domestic and happy when they didn’t have anything else.

But he keeps his mouth shut. Because a different piece of him likes the pretending. Another adventure to take part in, something else that makes his blood rush and his heartbeat quicken.

Except for nights like this.

Pope opens the door slowly, but it’s no use. His dad is already sitting on the couch and he sighs when he sees Pope enter the room.

Things between them the past several weeks had been...rocky, to say the least.

After Pope had skipped out on his scholarship, he’d expected at best, grounding for the rest of his life, and at worst, maybe disownment. But then John B and Sarah had gone down with JJ's dad’s boat, and the worst week of Pope’s life had begun. Pope hadn’t even gotten out of bed, and graciously his dad didn’t bring up the scholarship interview or any sort of consequence for running off in the middle of it. And then, at the end of that terrible week, Pope had gotten a phone call from John B, announcing that they were alive and in the Bahamas.

After the initial shock and relief, the three of them had talked it out. To no one's surprise, JJ had wanted to go after them, but together Pope and Kie had managed to convince him just how terrible an idea that was.

And three days afterward Sarah and John B had come home, bruised and empty-handed. John B had recounted the story of their journey in great detail, and Pope had rolled his eyes but really been more interested in it than he let on. 

“We were so close,” John B would say, pacing in front of the rest of them, all leaning forward in rapt attention. “We were about to execute the plan to secure the gold, and then the cops showed up at Wards house, took the gold, and arrested Ward.” At this point in the story, John B gets a little distant, because at this point he has to come to terms with the reality that they did not, in fact, get the gold.

But anyway. They were home now, safe, albeit disappointed. John B was staying with Sarah, who had somehow convinced her stepmom to be John B’s legal guardian. And JJ had stayed at John B’s old place in order to get away from his dad, who would inevitably be even worse to JJ after they had sunk his boat. Pope had offered his own house, of course, but JJ had refused, saying he didn’t want to intrude. And then his face had twisted into a sour expression and he had added, “and I think your dad hates me.” 

Later Pope had sat down with the very same dad and explained that he couldn’t always take all the pressure. He wasn’t even a junior yet, and there would be plenty of other opportunities for scholarships. So the two of them had come to a sort of uneasy understanding; Pope tried his best to be home early and stay out of trouble, and Popes dad didn’t put too much pressure on him.

That’s why Pope feels just a little guilty when he swings the door shut, cringes as it slams too loudly into the frame, and turns to face his dad.

“Hey,” he says weakly, clutching onto the strap of his backpack and trying his best to look innocent.

His father gives him an unreadable expression and turns back to his novel. 

“Hi Pope,” is all he says. And then, more of an exhale than a command, “Go to bed. It’s late.” Pope gives him something halfway between a smile and a grimace, and heads upstairs. He should tell his dad about JJ, he thinks as he drops his bag by the door and flops onto his bed. Or at least that he’s bi. But he’s not sure how he’d take it. His dad can be hard to figure out, sometimes, and honestly, Pope is a little bit terrified. 

When he opens his phone he’s greeted by two new texts from JJ. 

The first one reads  _ you left something _ , followed by a picture. It’s JJ, looking soft and rumpled in Popes old grey sweatshirt, one he had found in a thrift shop last summer with the name of a beach he had never been to printed across the front.

Seeing JJ in something that belongs to Pope stirs something in his chest, like JJ makes him so god damn happy that it burns a hole through his rib cage. He would let everything burn for JJ, Pope thinks and scares himself with the sentiment.

And then, a second text.  _ i miss you _

Pope bites his lip around his grin, and after a moment types out,  _ guess i’ll just have to come by tomorrow to get it back . _

Followed by,  _or you know, you could just keep it._

And fuck it, Pope sends a third text, because he’s mushy now or something like that.  _i miss you too._

It only takes a minute for JJ to respond.  _yeah, i’m definitely keeping it, but come by tomorrow anyway. 7?_

_seven. night jj_

_sweet dreams pope._

It’s just three words, but Pope is beaming so hard he has to set down his phone. He wonders absently if this is what love feels like, and is still thinking about JJ in his sweatshirt as he falls asleep.

***************** 

Seven o’clock doesn’t come soon enough. Pope is antsy all day; he reads a bit, facetimes Kie, but he finds himself staring at the clock and wishing they had set an earlier time for their date. 

Two months ago they would’ve been out all day, every day, surfing and getting into trouble. But now everything had settled down, almost as if they’d been humbled by their disastrous experience with the gold. So Kie spent more time working at the diner, and John B did normal person things now like go to church with Sarah's family on Sundays.

Pope waits around until 6:30, waves goodbye to his mom, and then hops on his bike to head to JJ’s. It dawns on him as he rides that JJ is the only thing he thinks about anymore and that maybe he is in love, and maybe he has been for a long time.

When he opens the door to JJ's, the house is eerily quiet. No one’s in the living room, so he’s startled when he hears a voice say, “Hey, hot stuff.” 

Pope follows the voice to find JJ leaning over the counter in the kitchen, grinning at him. He’s still wearing Popes sweatshirt, but it’s unclear whether he’s slept in it or just put it on.

“Hi,” Pope beams, taking JJ's chin in his hand gently and pulling him into a kiss. When he moves back, JJ slides a glass of an orange bubbling liquid across the counter towards him. Pope's hesitance must show on his face because JJ laughs.

“Relax. It’s just orange soda.” 

They have this unspoken rule that they don’t drink on dates, with the exception of JJ snagging a bottle of wine or champaign from somewhere when he’s feeling fancy. JJ muttered something to Pope once about Pope being “so pretty he had to be sober to soak all of him in” and Pope had blushed so hard he’d had to hide his head in his hands. 

Pope accepts the glass and takes a sip, and JJ says, “Oh! I almost forgot. I wanted to show you something.” 

Pope watches him curiously as he leans down and picks up a large cardboard box, rummages around in it for a moment before retrieving a large, ancient record player.

“You were talking the other day about how your grandpa used to have one when you were little, so I spent today looking for one,” JJ continues. “Took me forever, but I finally found it at this old flea market on the other side of the island.” 

Pope looks at the record player wordlessly. He had just mentioned it offhandedly last week, how before his grandfather died the two of them would dance to Frank Sinatra and Bob Marley on an old turntable just like this one. 

“Oh, and one more thing.” JJ lifts an old record from the box, sets it in place, and after a moment it crackles to life, and the first notes of ‘The Way You Look Tonight’ begin to drift out of the old speaker.

“Did I get it right?” JJ is looking at him hopefully, and Pope takes his hand and says, “Yes. It’s perfect. God, it’s perfect.” 

He doesn’t even realize he’s started to cry until JJ wipes a stray tear from his cheek, and leads him around the counter and into the open space of the kitchen, pulling Pope to his chest.

They’re swaying now, almost dancing, and Pope lifts his head from JJ's shoulder, lets JJ spin him once, twice, and knows he won’t ever feel more loved than this.

He holds JJ close and thinks about the way he had cried so quietly after John B’s boat had gone down, how he had tried to be strong for Pope and Kiara. He’s thinking about the first time they kissed, when JJ had spent the night and Pope had woken up to see him on a mattress next to his bed, warm and tired, and couldn’t restrain himself anymore. How JJ had tasted like toothpaste, and Pope had wanted to hold him forever.

And here JJ is now, smiling at him so fondly, and Pope kisses him again. And he doesn’t taste like toothpaste, more like mint and chocolate and orange soda, but Pope doesn’t mind because it’s JJ and that will always be reason enough to kiss him.

They’re so preoccupied they don’t even hear the door open until someone says “Oh. Sorry. didn’t mean to intrude.” 

Pope springs away from JJ to find Sarah Cameron looking at them, a canvas bag slung over her shoulder.

“Sarah!” JJ squeaks, “We were just-“ 

“On a date? Yeah, I figured. Sorry for the interruption. I just need to grab something John B left here.” she smiles politely and leaves the room, humming ‘The Way You Look Tonight’ under her breath as she goes.

JJ glances up at Pope warily. “Did you tell her?” 

“No! I’m guessing you didn’t either?” 

JJ shakes his head, and they both watch anxiously as she emerges from the room again, canvas bag now full.

Pope swallows awkwardly. “Um. You aren’t... I don’t know, surprised?” 

Sarah looks up. “About what?” 

Then she takes in the distance between them, the way JJ is awkwardly itching a spot on his elbow, and her eyes widen.

“Oh! You guys were trying to keep that a secret?”

She taps her fingers against the side of the bag as she talks, her tone bitingly incredulous.

“You’re kind of obvious. We’ve all known for weeks.” 

JJ's face is burning. “Oh,” is all he says.

Sarah laughs a little awkwardly. “Yeah. Sorry. Um, enjoy the rest of your date.” 

And then she’s gone, and JJ and Pope are left standing in the kitchen as the song comes to a gravelly end.

“Well,” Pope manages, “At least we can hold hands in public now.” 

JJ doesn’t smile, just bites his lip and looks down. “Um, I get it if you don’t want to...” 

Pope takes his hand again, concerned. “Don’t want to what?” 

JJ meets his eyes, and he looks so dejected it almost breaks Popes heart. “Be with me anymore. I understand if the sneaking around was the fun part.” 

Pope starts to laugh, and then immediately regrets it when JJ's face turns downcast.

“No, no, I mean. That’s absurd. I’m-you know I’m in love with you, right?” 

JJ looks at him in disbelief for a moment. “You’re-you are?” Pope nods, because it’s just something he’s always known; the sun rises in the morning and the waves crash and Pope loves JJ. JJ sucks in an audible breath and takes Popes face in his hands and kisses him so long Pope forgets how to see anything that isn’t his blue, blue eyes. 

When he finally pulls away, JJ says, “God, I’m in love with you. Have been forever.” 

Pope feels a little giddy. He’s had this moment, in this kitchen, a hundred times in his dreams. But now it’s real, and so, so much better. He just wants to kiss JJ again, and maybe a few more times after that, but JJ's phone buzzes and he reaches down to check it.

“it’s Sarah. She said they’re all at the pier and we can come down when we’re done.” 

He pockets his phone and looks to Pope. “Do you want to?” 

Pope doesn’t, not really, but he figures he’s going to have to face them all at some point. “Yeah,” he relents, leaning down to kiss JJ again. “In a minute.” 

*************** 

Pope feels horribly awkward as they near the dock to find Sarah, Kie, and John B scattered around in a circle of sorts, talking and laughing and passing around beers. His throat feels weirdly dry, and he clutches at JJ's hand desperately, hoping his palms aren’t sweating too much. 

JJ must sense his nerves, because he squeezes his hand and asks, so gently it almost hurts, “you okay?” 

Pope laughs a little breathlessly. “Yeah, I mean, I know they all know, but I’ve never come out to anyone? It’s just weird.” 

JJ nods. “I get it. It’s a first for me too.” 

JJ catches Popes mouth in a kiss, and Pope pretends their friends probably all can’t see them as they pull away, lace their fingers together and continue the trek down the hill.

John B turns toward them and cracks a goofy smile that lessens Popes nerves, if only a little. “Hey guys!” 

JJ rolls his eyes. “Okay, cut the shit, Sarah already told us you guys know.” 

Kie leans over and whacks Sarah on the arm. “Sarah! They were supposed to tell us on their own time.” 

Pope smiles. He doesn’t think anything could upset him now. “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” 

As they sit down JJ mutters in Pope’s ear, “This is gonna be bad, isn’t it.” 

Pope laughs, but it dies off when he finds everyone still staring at them expectantly. JJ is the first to break the silence.

“So.” JJ clears his throat, left hand still absently rubbing soft circles into Popes palm. “You guys aren’t mad?” 

Kie sips her beer and frowns. “About what? You liking dick?” 

JJ blinks at the bluntness of her words. 

“Um...no. That’s not- I mean, about the no pogue on pogue macking rule.” 

John B shrugs. “We made it a long time ago. And things are different now.” 

Pope looks around their lopsided circle; Sarah cross-legged, looking intrigued, John B next to her, and Kie off to the side, glancing at Sarah and looking out of place. 

And the two of them, hands resting on JJ's left leg, feeling exposed and in love all at once.

And John B is right. Things really are different now.

JJ nods, noticeably relieved, and pulls Pope to his chest, the soft material of Popes sweatshirt-or it’s JJ's now, he supposes-rubbing against his arm.

Sarah wrinkles her nose at them. “that’s cute, guys.” 

Kie groans in realization. “You guys aren’t gonna start being sappy too, are you? Am I about to be the fifth wheel?” 

It’s a joke, Pope knows, but he can hear the bitterness behind her voice. The longing.

Anyway, he thinks, as JJ fits both his hands into Popes, he knows what it’s like to be in love with your best friend. 

************ 

A week later Pope sits down in the living room with JJ and his dad and says, “JJ and I are dating.” 

His dad nods. “Alright.” 

“That’s it?” 

Popes father sighs, looking contemplative in the big, cushy chair across the room. JJ is squirming slightly next to him, and Pope reaches over to squeeze his hand, partly to reassure him and partly to get him to stop. 

“Well. I figured you were dating someone since you kept leaving in the evenings and returning look disheveled-“ 

JJ coughs, looking like he wishes he could sink into the couch.

“-or looking far too happy to have just been out with your friends all day. I am a bit surprised it’s him,” he continues, eyeing JJ, “but not shocked, considering all the time you spend together. I do have one request, though.” 

Pope nods eagerly. “Sure. Anything.” 

His dad’s expression softens. “I wouldn’t mind if you started hanging out here sometimes. I never see you anymore, and I-I miss you. Besides,” he says, tone falling into something more formal, “I can always use an extra pair of hands at work.” 

JJ hasn't spoken yet, but he stands now and extends his hand. “Yes. I’d be happy too. And look, I love your son, so I just wanted to thank you for um, being so cool about this.” 

His dad shakes JJ’s hand warily. 

“Yeah, yeah. Is that all?” 

Pope stands, nudges JJ, and says “Come on.” They turn to leave, but Pope pauses, and after a moment bends and pulls his dad into a hug.

He’s warm and comforting, and it reminds Pope of nights when he was little and his dad smiled a little more and would tuck him into bed, and sometimes even read him a story.

Pope is sad to pull away, but he isn’t sad to take JJ's hand, whisper “Let's go, love,” so softly he isn’t sure JJ hears it, and head to his room.

“See you boys later,” his dad calls after them, “and keep the bedroom door open!”

**Author's Note:**

> so this was my first fic and i hope you guys liked it !! feedback is appreciated !!


End file.
